“Have faith. A good act of faith in the omnipresent wisdom…. Everything [you need to say to reach souls] is in you. Your thoughts will wind off like a multicolored thread showing you light or strong hues according to what you require.” (Jesus in the writings of Catholic mystic Maria Valtorta)
Jesus threw his apostles into the midst of the people. He tossed them out of the nest after preparing them on an extended retreat. They were beside themselves with fear of failing or not being up to the task. But they had within themselves what they needed, and Jesus pushed them out of their comfort zones to use this raw material and develop it. He as a good leader, of course, opened the show for his apostles.
The multicolored thread suggests how good God’s providence is and how He continuously provides for the needs of those serving him. What kind of employer would not give employees the tools needed to do their jobs. How much more will God equip us to accomplish his will within our mission. The thread suggests an endless supply, as needed. And, of course, God in his generosity provides more than we ask.
When the apostles met up with Jesus again after the first test, they asked him why some were able to speak so well and others less so. This is what Jesus had to say to them and a group of disciples:
“Those who have been most unmindful of themselves, have given most. It is difficult to be unmindful of oneself.
Man is made of recollections and the ones that raise their voice most are the memories of one’s ego. You must distinguish between ego and ego. There is the spiritual ego of the soul that remembers God and its origin from God, and there is the inferior ego of the flesh that remembers its passions and the numberless exigencies concerning its whole being.
They are so many voices as to form a choir, and unless the spirit is quite strong, they overcome the solitary voice of the spirit that remembers its nobility as child of God. It is therefore necessary – with the exception of this holy memory that should always be stimulated and kept green and bright – it is necessary to learn how to forget yourselves, in all the memories, the needs, the timid reflections of the human ego, in order to be perfect disciples.
In this first test of My Twelve, those who have given most are the ones who forgot themselves most. They forgot not only their past, but also their limited personality. They are the ones who no longer remembered what they were, and were so united to God as to be afraid of nothing.
Why were some standoffish? Because they remembered their habitual scruples, their usual considerations and prejudice. Why were others laconic? Because they remembered their doctrinal inability and they were afraid of cutting a bad figure or causing Me to cut one. Why the showy ostentation of others? Because they remembered their usual pride, their desire to show off, to be applauded, to rise above the others, to be ‘someone.’
Finally, why the sudden revelation of a triumphal, rabbinic, persuasive, firm eloquence in others? Because they, and they alone did remember God. Like those who so far have been humble and have endeavoured to pass unnoticed and at the right moment were able, all of a sudden, to assume the pre-eminent dignity conferred on them, and which they never wanted to exert before, lest they should presume too much.
The first three groups remembered their inferior ego. The other group, the fourth, remembered their superior ego and were not afraid. They felt God with themselves and in themselves and were not afraid. Oh! holy boldness which comes from being with God!”
1 (Maria Valtorta, Poem of the Man-God, Volume 2, pp 128-129; used by permission of the publisher Centro Editoriale Valtortiano srl, Viale Piscicelli 89-91, 03036 Isola del Liri FR, Italy)